Say Aaaaah

Life, it seems, takes some curious turns. Take last night for instance, it was cold. Much colder than I had anticipated when I rushed out for some last minute supplies before the shop shut for the night. I instantly regreted not taking a coat. Pulling my hoodie around me, I strode out in the hope that walking fast would warm me up. As I was walking along streets empty of all but last night’s kebabs and broken glass, the thought struck me; “what the hell am I doing in Leicester when I’m supposed to be in the Alps?” (more…)

Stressed? Never!

It’s all been happening at Mission Improbable HQ since I last wrote.

First of all, I had an operation to fix a hernia. The operation itself went like a dream, probably because I was asleep at the time, other than attempting to talk to the French nurses in Italian when I woke up, and being somewhat confused by seeing double, the whole thing went without a hitch. (more…)

Me and my shadow

Training started in earnest with a walk in the mountains, it seemed like a good idea at the time but once I got back, aching and so exhausted I could barely speak, I was less sure of the wisdom.

The plan was simple enough — walk from Morzine at an altitude of 970 meters to Ardent at an altitude of 1200 meters, a simple enough task.

To make it a bit more interesting I decided to go via the tallest point in between - 1800 meters.

Then for reasons that I can best ascribe to a lack of oxygen to the brain I decided to travel in as close to a straight line as possible, go via Les Lindarets (which is not on the way) and, carry about 20lbs. (more…)

I left Spain in early December with a lot of happy memories and a lovely new scar, courtesy of my machete.

Held together with surgical tape

I am now in the French Alps for a winter of altitude training. That was the plan and all seemed to be going well, when my boss turns out to be the personal trainer of Celine Gros, one of the world’s top female downhill mountain bikers.

She invited me to train with them. However, I decided to give myself a break from fitness training until the New Year and to enjoy myself in the mountains for a bit. After two weeks of snow-boarding and skiing I wound up with stretched ligaments in my knee, a hernia, one shoulder dislocated and the muscle in the other torn. My left ankle which is prone to sprains remains remarkably unphased by all the mountain activity but is strapped up with zinc oxide tape as a precaution.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror the other day and realised that I have so much tape holding me together that I look like a parcel. (more…)

The ongoing Ditchmonkey diaries continue…..

Mmmm! Grass snake

I arose with the sun, muscles aching from the previous day’s activities, my hands were stinging from the combined effects of scratches, blisters, insect bites and lacerations from handling bamboo. Looking down at my hands, I hardly recognised them, filthy despite having been washed, covered in callouses and deep cracks. No time for contemplation now, time to grimace as I ease my way back into yesterday’s filthy clothes, grab something to eat and set to it once again.

The machete fits easily into my hand now, the skin is toughened were it rubs and I am getting used to it’s ways knowing from long practice exactly how hard and at what angle I need to strike green bamboo, dead bamboo or any type of woods that I might come across in order to achieve a swift clean cut. (more…)

Somebody get this man a camera

The magnitude of the challenge ahead has really been sinking in over this past week. Now that I am focused on training and living in a new environment free from distractions, the jungle now looms large in my mind. Training and learning has taken on a new urgency and what time I spend on the internet has been researching and arranging professional training. Specifically; I have been trying to sharpen my knife to a razor’s edge and working out how best to learn about tropical medicine.

It’s amazing how much the threat of an exotic disease and bit’s falling off can focus the attention. On the advice of a doctor friend, I will be picking up a copy of a pocket size tome, The Oxford Handbook of Tropical Medicine, when I am next in the UK and will be memorising the relevant parts over the winter. I have also found someone who can teach me about tropical medicinal and edible plants and am in the process of arranging a one day tuition session covering travel and tropical medicine. (more…)

I hope to do this soon

Ditchmonkey’s diary - part 2…..Mission Improbable HQ is, for now, a caravan in the grounds of a seventeenth century farm house set deep in the Catalan mountains of northern Spain. The farm belongs to a friend of mine and I am in residence to provide assistance with the renovation, the work is getting me fit and living the rural idyll is proving to be deeply rewarding. The first three weeks that I was here were quite full on, long days spent working in the sun with a pick and shovel, building walls, digging foundations and leveling land. My fitness level rose quickly. I have now settled into the routine of getting up with the light and working until dusk with lunch of cheese, olives, tomatoes, bread and juice taken in the shade of an orange tree. It is, as Joe, the owner says, “living, really living”. (more…)

Ditchmonkey, Hugh Sawyer

Ditchmonkey sprang to fame a few years ago, when he announced to the UK media that he worked at Sothebys by day and lived in a ditch in Oxfordshire at night. Now he is about to start the biggest test of his life. And he will write about it here on Off-grid.

I have recently been trying to work out how I came to be committed to walk through the jungles and mountains of South America for up to a year. It is not the kind of plan that naturally comes to mind over the morning cornflakes. I think it started off as a surf trip with a spot of camping on the beach and things kind of escalated from there. Now the plan is walk coast to coast across South America following the line of the equator as far as is possible, living in the jungle, surviving off the land as far as possible and blogging about the experience via a solar powered lap top and satellite phone. (more…)